So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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