So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
