Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
