If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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