I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
