i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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