sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
