Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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