Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
