cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
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im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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