She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
