he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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