my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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