Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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