I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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