I feel like I'm in dance class right now
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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