obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize