Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
