Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
