i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
