If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize