If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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