I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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