I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
