If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
