I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
