All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
