Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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