were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
