I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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