This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize