Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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