I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Randomize
