I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
