Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
