My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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