is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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