dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
