so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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