yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
