My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
