Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My balls are so social today.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
