Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
