I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
