if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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