check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
