im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
