I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
