physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
