why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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