Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
