i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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