ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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