I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
wow bdsm is so cute
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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