Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
