I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
