you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
