She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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