I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
