I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
