I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
FUCK WHALES
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
