went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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