I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
