We won't sleep together?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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