pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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