I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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