I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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