So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
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His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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