But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
