Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
