I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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